Soon the New Day...

Tomorrow

I love the idea of what it has been recently. consuming a great amount of organic foods, dealing with issues that have plagued me for years, learning to accept wh i am and work to change myself from THAT man and not some imaginary superman

the journey has been well. I have gained alot of wisdom from these experiences. and Im gaining even more wisdom from my aches and pains. the seeking up of being a father and ex husband has brought me alot.

and I realize, that sex is like a drug. so im going to abstain. i will give nothing the power to control me. especially being that I am in love with Nina and she deserves better than knowing that even though we are half a world apart, that she is the only person i truly desire sexually.

we will see, this journey is far from perfect, far from normal. but it is what I have been assigned...

Return of the Jedi

weaker and meeker

done with it that i cant understand it
my gift is my curse in that it drives me to do things that i would rather not. meet people that i would rather not. go places that i would rather not

i am antisocial.

but my gift is that of conversation and photography, two very public arts. its a 1/2 and 1/2 because I live my life in dynamics...I either love it or hate it, very few areas are gray in a black and white world. i find myself conflicted when people ask me

"so what do you think of my pictures?"

i mean what i think reall matters not because your work is about being an extension of you and not an acceptance of me but strangely enough people find themselves asking others for what lies inside. acceptance is a human drug, one im trying to purge myself of with much vigor. i just hate the fact that sometimes im doing me in completion and sometimes i find myself creating/doing/expressing things that are meant to get the OOH's and AAAH's.

whatever happened to me seeking my own happiness. in search of some random satisfaction from the lips and eyes of others when id rather just tear everything ive done up until now into pieces and start over

very chaotic.

there is a piece of me within everything i do, and the rotten ones stink up my nose and make me wonder why i even do this at all...if i cant find that balance. its like...very hard to say but very easy to SEE. im not the simpliest of people but i seek simplicity. im not the quietest of people but i seek silent peace.

what the fuck is happening to me?

this evolution is either going to kill me or make me into something which i have never seen before. i would prefer the latter but im beginning to understand why those before me were so damn self destructive, why they spent most of their years trying to erase themselves from the day to day dealings of reality. when you see the world from the clouds it is certainly a smaller place, but one infinitely more full of complications...

the days just run together

I don't even know what to say anymore...about anything. people have already turned the JENA 6 situation into a fucking fiasco and a chance to further their political and economic platforms. It fucking sickens me

those who are going because they love it, because they want to go and support i am in complete COMMITMENT and LOVE of those. but those of you who are just jumping on a bandwagon...you need to be ashamed of yourselves. the thing is we'll see how serious half of you are after the rally, when the fame of the situation dies down and everyone returns to not giving a fuck about the world around them

IN OTHER NEWS

I am eating mostly fish and fresh veggies for the next 30 days in an effort to clean my system out of all the remaining toxins. its a test and a SURE expensive habit because i sure am not going to be eating cheap fish all the time. 3 lbs of mahi mahi ran me over 20 bucks...sheesh.

pray for me, as i endeavor to be a committed man to one woman. as i endeavor to beat the demons that plagued my father and were passed on to me. its a hard journey, but I can do it, i MUST do it. The art that I love to do is also a doorway that leads in the opposite direction, one that leads me away from where i want to be so its a battel just to do what i love and not LOSE myself to it

MY phone also died, so if you call me or text me and don't get a response don't be sad. be in mourning as the greatest LG of them all has now gone on to a happy place :)

I miss Paul. He was the one force on earth that actually grounded me and I'm happy that he got married and moved up north but...its hard to deal with alot of this shit with your best friend gone...

I LOVE YOU ALL, regardless of how you may feel about me. I PRAY that you find the productivity of this week and love of it to be awesome enough to seek the source of it all.


Andrew Thomas

I am including a new series from ALHPA BEGINS, the first pictures i ever took with my Sony alpha. I hope you enjoy them

I dont even care.

I can no longer allow these people to destroy me
I can no longer allow them to try...

I finally

beat starfox today. I feel a sense of ... accomplishment that ive never felt before, it feels good...yes it does

If there is a reason

for me to fight, then now is that time.

crushgroove

I wonder whats goingon these days
I'm growing up faster then I want to
but hey thats life
never how you want it
but blessed to have it
Patrice is back
my mom loves me
my ex wife still hates me
nothing really changes
at all.

I was talking to Kristen

and said this (about my sex)

"soft enough so that you know i care
and hard enough to that you know I'm there"

for nina.

Sinnerman

I have no idea what the f*ck you're talking about
but say that shit again
because i love the way you lean in close to me
and brush your breasts against my chest
and speak those sultry words into my mouth
as if you were giving me life between the syllables

I wonder

why I am who I am and not someone else.
why I've never been able to settle
why I've never been able to deal with bullshit
why I cant seem to love someone for more than a month
why the feelings of hatred never last more than an hour
why my ex wife hates me
why the oldest of my daughters is the hardest for me to communicate with
why my lust and love cannot be confused
why the fuck i care so much for people who treat me so badly
why my eyes arent perfectly aligned
why i cant look at myself in the mirror anymore
why do i ask questions thats i can already answer...

the "I am" series.

i am (movement II)

i am
inside you
tickling the pieces of you that never see daylight
but still find the power to glow
and burn
the fire quinched between my lips and my tongue
fighting for the very droplets covering the dripping wet
parts of you that crave the parts of me
that crave the parts of what will be
when you see me.
yet slippery and refracting light is the darkness
of this corner
urbanity and dreads and beard and fucking
a corner with a tale to tell
the stories will be echoed throughout its corners for the ages to come
and to cum
and you cum
im swallowing and licking and flicking and ingesting
every piece of the pleasures of our creation
the beginnings of a new nation
on under this damn sweatlaced shadow
fuck you
fuck
you.

i am (movement I)

because you know the root of what i say is true
you know we'd be a wonderful fuck against a wallway in a hallway
while i break you open against the wall
between your legs
inside your head
a feeling something like sex
with a taste of something deeper
legs getting weaker
the best mindfuck you have had in ages
and will ever have again
so just shut up and
fuck.

I wonder

how two people
so far apart in thoughts at one time
can suddenly be so close together
how they can meld and become one
with each other
and understand the song without words
how they can become new
how they can become friends

I dont understand

I've never tried so hard to hate anyone in the course of my life.


I mean really , after what we've been through and what we're going through you find yourself ready to be just done with a person. but through all that...through all the tears and fears and years I find myself unable to see her for what I want to see her as. I still love her deeply.

The dream told me so

Fits of jealous rage, fear, wanting so badly to tell her so much in hopes that she would understand and come running back to me and say

"Im sorry."

I just dont understand WHY I feel this way, when I want the opposite so badly in parts of me that dont matter the parts of me that DO matter want her to just Love me again. Want her to just...to just...grow. and I cant understand why I want her, except to say that maybe there is such a thing as my one true love

because for damn sure I feel like I'm constantly trying to bury her memory in the legs and arms and smile and embrace of another woman.

One Mic for Justice

Accorvia Remixed

the sum of all fears

i will not be a terrible father, no matter what my DNA says...

I like sex

I really do.
where the hell is she?

Today is a good day to live.

I feel like im not really where I need to be. I feel like maybe she doesnt see me as I see her. I feel like she's always far when I really need her to be close. I feel like I'm alone in this journey again and i dont like that feeling but I'll manage. I dont feel adequate as a man, I feel like I've become stagnant but still pressing forward

I'm afraid.

But then again what else is new? each day has enough responsibility of it's own...thats biblical. thanks for the insight GOD.

Feeling a James Baldwin groove coming on

feel me?

It Begins

Chris finished version one of my theme song and I must say...I'm excited. hard to imagine that two years ago i almost killed myself...amazing

Nileya x 2

the images have been removed because i am REALLY tired of dealing with them.
seriously
like forever

I have seen a more beautiful day
than today
but for the life of me
I cant remember when
-me

the site goes live

I stayed up until 4 a.m. gettingthis site finished, and man was it worth it.

www.evolutionvintage.com

Today is...

a good day. my ex girlfriend apparently hates my guts, im behind on two photography projects, and my rent is due in about another 14 days

you have to love life.

but GOD has been faithful and seen me through MUCH worse, so they're all just challenges to overcome so it's all good