Tomorrow

I love the idea of what it has been recently. consuming a great amount of organic foods, dealing with issues that have plagued me for years, learning to accept wh i am and work to change myself from THAT man and not some imaginary superman

the journey has been well. I have gained alot of wisdom from these experiences. and Im gaining even more wisdom from my aches and pains. the seeking up of being a father and ex husband has brought me alot.

and I realize, that sex is like a drug. so im going to abstain. i will give nothing the power to control me. especially being that I am in love with Nina and she deserves better than knowing that even though we are half a world apart, that she is the only person i truly desire sexually.

we will see, this journey is far from perfect, far from normal. but it is what I have been assigned...

Return of the Jedi

weaker and meeker

done with it that i cant understand it
my gift is my curse in that it drives me to do things that i would rather not. meet people that i would rather not. go places that i would rather not

i am antisocial.

but my gift is that of conversation and photography, two very public arts. its a 1/2 and 1/2 because I live my life in dynamics...I either love it or hate it, very few areas are gray in a black and white world. i find myself conflicted when people ask me

"so what do you think of my pictures?"

i mean what i think reall matters not because your work is about being an extension of you and not an acceptance of me but strangely enough people find themselves asking others for what lies inside. acceptance is a human drug, one im trying to purge myself of with much vigor. i just hate the fact that sometimes im doing me in completion and sometimes i find myself creating/doing/expressing things that are meant to get the OOH's and AAAH's.

whatever happened to me seeking my own happiness. in search of some random satisfaction from the lips and eyes of others when id rather just tear everything ive done up until now into pieces and start over

very chaotic.

there is a piece of me within everything i do, and the rotten ones stink up my nose and make me wonder why i even do this at all...if i cant find that balance. its like...very hard to say but very easy to SEE. im not the simpliest of people but i seek simplicity. im not the quietest of people but i seek silent peace.

what the fuck is happening to me?

this evolution is either going to kill me or make me into something which i have never seen before. i would prefer the latter but im beginning to understand why those before me were so damn self destructive, why they spent most of their years trying to erase themselves from the day to day dealings of reality. when you see the world from the clouds it is certainly a smaller place, but one infinitely more full of complications...