I've never tried so hard to hate anyone in the course of my life.
I mean really , after what we've been through and what we're going through you find yourself ready to be just done with a person. but through all that...through all the tears and fears and years I find myself unable to see her for what I want to see her as. I still love her deeply.
The dream told me so
Fits of jealous rage, fear, wanting so badly to tell her so much in hopes that she would understand and come running back to me and say
"Im sorry."
I just dont understand WHY I feel this way, when I want the opposite so badly in parts of me that dont matter the parts of me that DO matter want her to just Love me again. Want her to just...to just...grow. and I cant understand why I want her, except to say that maybe there is such a thing as my one true love
because for damn sure I feel like I'm constantly trying to bury her memory in the legs and arms and smile and embrace of another woman.
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